A Little Black Book With Me Poems In...

My poetry page, circa 1996. Still updated every so often when the feelings start a rollin'.

Below some of the poems are my original comments from long ago, and in yellow is my later commentary, reflecting changing feelings.

2012: A return to form? Meh, I don't know. I'm so very torn on these. A part of me is proud, while a part of me thinks they're too cheesy. (Isn't duality a bitch?) My mind cracks open, and things just flow. Too often I find that poetry is one of the few outlets for my feelings and emotions.

For quite some time I've compared myself to you;
Where you were at this age, asking what you'd do.
When tasked with this you said 'do not worry,
just do your best and don't be in a hurry.'

No one knew of the problem you kept hid;
A boiling pot on which you held the lid.
Two weeks went by and before we could wonder,
The veil of death closed your eyes, pulled you under.

The song of the swan hailed the impending gloom.
Your last breath of life- final thread to the loom;
Gathered together in sorrow that day,
silence befell as your soul went away.

Gone was the net beneath my high tight rope;
The beacon of light that always gave me hope.
As problems arise I try to remember,
how life went on after that late September.

But your wisdom is fresh and it still lives here;
I pray I can use it and go without fear.
When the times are tough and things seem so bad,
I take a deep breath and remember you, dad.

I can't stop my thoughts;
being torn up by these feelings;
the resentment and the heartache now are
affecting all my dealings.

How can I be sure?
Where do we go from here?
Do I pack my thoughts inside a box
and hold back another tear?

The answer I don't know;
it tears me so apart;
to feel you think so less of me
is a curb-stomp on my heart.

How could you be so cruel,
when so close I thought we were?
The last five months behind me now
it all seems such a blur.

Shakes me to my core;
there's no dressing for this cut.
And all of the doors I thought we opened
have all been since slammed shut.

Seems i should move on,
and take my mind out of this place.
But my hasty heart and overthought
won't give up on this race.

Just where to draw the line-
where does this border end?
The line between acquaintance and
the honor of a friend.

Is it too much to ask for affection
without the slightest hint of rejection?
In your loving light I wish to bask;
why must it be so much to ask
to rest in the home of your loving arms;
enjoy the warmth of your special charms.

A bull in my heart and a moon in aries;
an unfortunate side; my temper it varies.
Never should this be a good reason,
to shoot me down when out of season.
The cure to my peace is unending love,
not to be judged and given a shove.

Into the wind my words likely fall,
told to suck it up and not matter at all.
Is it your desire to push me to another?
Do you wish to end with a life like your mother?
The coming months shall decide our fate,
too bad you'll realize when it's much too late.

There's nothing as bad that leaves me so floored
than reaching out and being ignored.
Especially from one so quick to boast,
that to us, a friend, that feels so close.

Or is it that I'm not included,
in those claims you so far exuded.
When speaking of place, never my name
is mentioned in breath that's one and the same.

Accepted in full this is clearly not,
my feelings for you they surely shall rot.
Is this the way you wish it to be?
Resentment and hatred for you by me?

I feel as though we hang on by wire,
weak as it is from playing with fire.
True that we suffer from sun in the twelve,
inside your heart where I so wish to delve.

A cold shoulder should never be expected
from a friendship that for years was erected.
Many times I have felt the ever-piercing sting,
but never did I guess that to me it's your thing.
Hard times and loss are things I understand;
My arms are wide open to those who demand.
Point out how we pick up where we last left off;
I can't help but feel that it's said with a cough.
For the past few years, oblivious and blind;
I'm always the one that must drop the first line.
Conveniently bad when it's yours in the need,
but heaven forbid should I plant the first seed.
I wait long for our bond to make a return,
and not lay in the fire just waiting to burn.

4/6/2012

As I trot and I plod through a trail left by bulls
As we rant and discuss how the rest bend to fools
A ship comes my way, it's so grand as it nears
A sight yet unseen through my tumultuous years

A woman so wise yet many years the younger
The food for my soul of which I eternally hunger?
A distance so wide yet inside it feels near,
a comfort so pleasing in a world full of fear

We walk down the path by the guide of the moon
Occasional wonder if our due will come soon
Basking in luna and days in the sun
dare we do speak, as each other, the one?

In eight be thy horns with a lust that's so bold
and a promise of souls that shall never run cold
Shall we be honored with true love in our time
or do we continue to act out and mime?

she never said she was sorry
she never said anything at all
and even when my eyes are starry
she doesn't see through her earthen wall

all is fair in love and war they say
but of it all I'm not convinced
it all seemed so clear and blue that day
but later on it seemed so minced

around and round it goes in my head
broken promise that I once kissed
and to this world I may seem dead
mourning the love of the night I missed

upon deaf ears fall, my shattered plight
never a thought to the decent man
who so deserved to feel that sight
to have it go according to plan

so now as she goes on with her life
the time will come to need a favor
ashamed as I am of all this strife
the taste of vengeance I shall savor

'til a day comes when all is made right
the moon of my soul shall lay in wait
for my desire I am ready to fight
and accept any cruel twist of fate

You fall from grace
at such a blistering pace
never stop to see the pieces
credible doubt with you increases
you think that no one else can see
the lies unclear to all but me
covered in the friendly shroud
I breathed the air within your cloud

but to my eyes you're always blind
from eight years past feels so unkind
the stable heart in front of you
watches close at what you do
a gap in time to catch you bleed
this open heart is what you need
can I change your fractured song
and give you that for which you long

A nurturing spirit I praise and swoon
Always aware 'the sting of your moon
The earthen core to which I relate
tends to remain in spite of the hate
But only from the sum of your deeds
I see the evil your soul in which feeds
But from the madness I can take you away
And give you the peace you are yearning today

why do I mind that we don't talk anymore
the small talk of now is what I abhor
remember the evenings that turned into nights
the sparkle of our eyes in each other's sites

in a virtual world where our minds did wander
so shameful to feel it was all in squander
a change of life as we head into autumn
persistence of time; to each other, the bottom

ten years have gone by like a bumpy dirt road
we shift and we shimmy to even the load
will the lane I travel lead back to your door
again to indulge in the lust evermore?

uneasy and blind to each other we seem
so far removed from the make-believe dream
the light in the dark is a thing of the past
into the void and outwardly cast

by chance entranced by a smile
and the eyes that sparkle from a mile
so I lured you within
to the galllows of sin
but who enchanted who all the while?

the lunar sting of your love is so fatal
a bull has to prove that he's ready and able
to tackle the lion
there is no denyin'
every devil's got to have his dark angel

to caress and behold such a love so dear
intoxicating aura when to each other we're near
I want you so bad
you make me so glad
to exist on this earth in the here

In days that weren't so latter
When distance was no matter
I remember a time...
when things were much more close
never just a single dose
our friendship I did toast
of good times I did boast
when your name was always there
and we would do as we would dare
a window into the past
our potential was so vast

In days when I'm unknown
When online meant alone
I remember a time...
when the talk lists were quite small
hardly anyone at all
yet never a lonely night
with our bond it was so tight
when there was you and I
talking into the night
without a care in sight
until the early light

As the sun begins to set
and we take the safest bet
I remember a time...
Really not so long ago
after everything was so
our conversations seem so brief
as you turn your endless leaf
condescending point of view
is really all I got from you
always on a higher plane
than any mortal man could feign

when every other thought
is an idea for a song
a creative web I'm caught
for this I've waited long

inspiration from the flow
of the water oh so deep
the ones from down below
know the secrets that I keep

as the twins begin to rise
how quickly they depart
I must avoid their eyes
else they feed upon my heart

a final look behind
as the door begins to close
it feels oh so unkind
as no one really knows

good girl, bad boy
your heart, my toy
intent of good, eyes of brown
wrong idea, headed down

good man, bad lady
looking good, feeling shady
lips of red, eyes of fire
defense down, taken higher

bad woman, evil guy
outlook dim, live the lie
end of day, all is done
forever silence, watch you run

loving lass, gentle man
break apart, no one can
vultures looming, high above
feast or famine, one true love

Somewhere over the hill, a voice is silenced.
Back to earth and into the ground
I want to hold on to the feeling expressed here
I long to be loved by the threshold
The pain and the tears
hopes and the fears
years and years
going

going

Gone.

I hear voices
screaming noises
talking downward
reaching outward

If they reach far enough they'll soon be touching me
If I'm not strong enough they'll be depressing me

I hear voices
I hear voices

I make choices
From the voices
Feel their fever
Pull the lever

Circuit complete let the destruction begin
Wreaking chaos over the cell I'm hiding in

I hear voices
I hear voices

(I envisioned this song with a Quuensryche-style vocal melody. Later, I realized how cheesy and uninspired it sounds, and never put much more thought into it.)

I don't have much money, I only have time,
to pick a few flowers, for a woman so fine;
I would have got roses, if money I had,
It's the thought that counts, I hope you're not sad.
I'm sorry I hurt you, but I am hurt too;
Let's put them behind us, the days in the blue.
So please accept these flowers, and the love from my heart,
and shun away the evil, that tries to tear us apart.

I remember writing this for my wife after we got into a big fight, and presented it to her, with freshly picked flowers and all. :-)

there is trouble in my eyes
they must see it on the rise
never there to hear my cries
they only choose me to despise

avoid me like a disease
standing back to taunt and tease
never there to pay my fees
always other ones to please

and the truth is far too cloudy
for their shuttered eyes to see
overruled and underrated
I am the hated

come to see me if they dare
try to show that they do care
but when dissention's in the air
all they do is watch and stare

like an accident you pass
staring at the wrecking mass
pay attention with your ass
never see the one with class

and I walk alone where shadows fear
in a world of mediocrity
enthusiasm so belated
I am the hated

in the dark I find security
from the scars of all my yesterdays
in the world that I created
I am the hated

I actually remember having the chorus to this one in my head for a few years before I actually sat down and thought up the rest of the song. I have a file of a chorus from this one dated 12/02/2000. I still might add more to it sometime.

(...or not. I still love this one, would like to add more to it, but I cannot for the life of me think of a good melody for the verses that would fit the chorus I have in mind. And I can't think of other ways to arrange the chorus either.)

Burned

I will remember
the thing you told me tonight
I will remember
That you don't want me tomorrow

Our souls were so close way back in the day
Supposedly it's the same today
But now I feel that the theory was wrong
and I'm wondering why this has gone on so long
You set this whole thing up
made me want to drink from your cup
You're the one who pulled me away
from the path and led me astray

I will remember
and I will prepare
I will remember
this unholy despair

Feeling wanted you stress is so dear
Well why do you think that I want you here?
Wait until the tables are turned
You will be the one to be burned
You'll want me to be there for you
Go to hell I shall say unto you
It will be over I will turn the page
I'll escape from your bi-polar psycho rage!

8/17/02, Stacy J. Dunkle

Dark Revelation

From within the shambles of a war torn city,
We see the darkness to which we have no pity.
From many moments ago, we've seen destruction and haste,
And now prolonged to much ruin and waste.

They built this place in all it's beauty and pride,
At one time it was born, and seems now it has died.
Amidst the smoke we see no angels or saints,
For what you see now was from our countries complaints.

Shall a new world arise from the depths of the old?
Or must it all remain so spiritless and cold?
If the next wave is known to crumble like this,
Then let all remain in cold sorrow, unbliss.

1988

(This was one of the poems I wrote that was featured in the first issue of "Warrior's Pride" which was a poetry and short story book published by the school during my senior year. I loved how they attempted to correct my grammar, when there was absolutely nothing wrong with it to begin with. This is, of course, the correct version.)

In This World...

In this world we see a man,
He knows destruction is at hand.
In his mind the fire will awake,
Only to be put out by mistake.

In this world we hear a voice,
Slurred by madness, has no choice.
In it's tones the fires burn slow,
The evils dawn with what they show.

From this world we must escape,
Away from darkness and it's drape.
In this fire we seem to find,
Retraced paths of an open mind.

1988

Cursed With Life

Life is nothing-It has no meaning;
Dying from sadness, my soul is screaming.
Nothing is right-everything is wrong;
Can't see how I lived through this madness so long.
'Feel like getting a big sharp knife and cutting my throat;
Seems like I'm sailing the sea on a nowhere boat.
Only one girl could cease this pain but, she doesn't care;
She could at least talk to me but, she wouldn't dare.
I don't care just how I do it-as long as I die;
People tell me there will be happiness but, why do they lie?

My heart is growing colder as were nearing the end;
All those happy promises that no one can defend.
Nothing I say really matters, no one listens to me;
Why am I still living-Living so impatiently?
Waiting for the answer that cannot be found;
I watch as this world spins slowly around.
All around me in this room the people are talking;
Out the door, in the air, my soul is walking.
My soul was forced into this life of torment;
I would turn to emotions but, they are all bent.

1988

That had to be one of the worst years in my life, emotionally. I'm a much happier person now. :-)

(And probably one of the best things I've written, ever. The last 4 lines were added later while sitting in a rather loud English class, but still the same year. I mention this, because I think it's somewhat noticeable how it breaks the flow, and the previous line "I watch as this world spins slowly around" seems like a more natural end, because it was the original end.)

The Rage

Deep inside I can feel this rage;
It's the kind of fire that won't outen with age;
Sometimes I think I can just turn the page;
But deep down I know it will still be the same.

You could change this world of mine;
Just you and I, it would feel so fine;
Just being together, we could pass the time;
It would be an experience on cloud number nine.

You and I, we could get so high;
Get so high that we'll burn the sky;
But it seems you want to see me die;
I'll just drown in my tears and say goodbye.

It almost seems we were meant to be;
Together in life-like a destiny;
But you just want to stay away from me;
Do you know what you're missing?-I don't think you see.

Can I live without you? I don't think I want to try.
You hold the key to my life; The key to dispell the rage inside.

1989

(To think I had somewhat of a concept albums worth of lyrics written about my ordeals of being insanely infatuated with someone. Who knew the whole thing would end up more like the Doobie Bros. song "What a Fool Believes." And then you were gone.)

Fifty Years

Fifty years into the gone,
We find there's no green to brighten the lawn;
The sky is dim and the clouds are grey;
All of this in the month of May.

Twenty years into the gap,
We find that the trees have taken the rap.
The birds do not sing because they have no reason;
Winter now falls in the summertime season.

Thirty years into the void,
The water is now steam; the fish are destroyed.
The deepest trenches lie now uncovered;
Pollution from the past is now discovered.

Forty years have quickly passed;
People now wonder how long it will last.
There is no more power to put up a fight;
No one can see since there is no light.

Now it has been fifty years;
Man will soon drown in his tears.
Half a century ago this could have been stopped,
If the minds of the people wouldn't have flopped.

1989

Yeah, this poem is kind of a spin-off of the song "In the Year 2525" :-)

Love Has Left Me Behind

I make these foolish choices when my mind is lost and gone;
And when I see the final mistake, I end up all alone.
When will I begin to see the truth, Oh when will I be free?
Will all the things I've said and done come crashing back on me?

When will the right one come along, one who understands?
One that I will feel the magic flowing from her hands.
No one knows what I am going through, no one really cares;
I hope the future is the key to end all my nightmares.

You feel that life is totally gone when love has left you behind.

1988

(Another "meh." I think this was one of those ones that lingered around for years unfinished, till one day I just had to post it, loving how the title rolled off the tongue.)

Goodbye to Friendship

The darkness of my heart comes not from very far;
Close to me, the enemy, and I know who you are.
It took a while to comprehend, but finally, I do see;
The so-called friends, I need to end, they stand in front of me.

Once so close, this circle deal, our connections they ran far;
We shared our hopes, the endless dreams, we wished upon the same star.
Then age stepped in and changed us all, and almost overnight;
You shut me out, I soon found out, and now you think you're right.

I see right through the masks you wear whenever I'm around;
I don't know why it came to this, the thought it makes me down.
What is this spite, this hate I feel, that you all have toward me?
Is it the way I act, the things I say, whatever could it be?

I know it may seem to all of you that I'm not as I use to be;
I got a good job, a wife and kids, I have a family.
I can't believe, our old bond it seems, is over, said and done;
You must be blind, you're so unkind, if you think I can't be fun.

By now I think it's clear to see that I'm a lonely man;
Yearning for friends, searching for joy, anyplace that I can.
But don't count me out, you pathetic fools, for I still linger near;
If I get on you're nerves, then I'll derive my joy, by standing beside you, right here!

1996

(After having not written anything probably since school some 6 years earlier, the mid to late 90's saw somewhat of a resurgance in my poetic interests. So with pen, paper, and a generous helping of CHEESE, I proceeded to write a few things about the crowd I was wasting my time with at that point. The last two lines make me cringe.)

The Final Nail

The final nail was driven today;
The coffin of friendship will go away;
The rotting remains are buried at last;
And now it will all be in the past.

What took so long to fill will now be gone;
My life will see a brand new dawn;
As the coffin descends, I shed no tears;
I brushed off the pain of all those years.

Over time I watched them rise,
And now they fall before my eyes.
They hurt my pride, I can't deny,
But now I know pride is just a lie.

So as they drive this final nail,
I've got the tiger by the tail.
And to this new day, I raise a toast,
Independence I now shall highly boast.

1996

(Another one written about my "friends" at the time. One of my critics at the time suggested that I'm not very convincing in saying it's so 'final' since I felt the need to write about them. With that mentality, I suppose the majority of all songs written were a waste of time, since a great deal of music has to do with singing about past experiences.)

K

Keeping a promise, it seems you have not;
Remembering the way it sounded so hot.
I was the one who took your first kiss,
Still in my mind, your touch that I miss.
The promise, I'm afraid, is now out of date;
I'm now forbidden; Yes, it's too late.

1996

(As we found out 6 years later, it's never too late. Whether or not it was worth it, is another issue entirely...)

Mask

The cold wind of loneliness brushes over my shoulder
And feelings have changed from a life that's grown older
The echoes of doubt now reak all through my dwelling
The shadows of depression, once small, now are swelling

Rejected once more in the hours of my day
A fist grabs my heart, I try to break 'way
All awhile I mask this excruciating pain
Expressions of happiness I feel I must feign

Behind my great mask, with my arm, I extend
In hopes that I find another that will lend
I have so much to give, I feel I must share
For times of chance meeting, I always prepare

No one will see past this mask that I wear
The cloak of secrecy of which I take great care
Until a day comes when the mask is outgrown
Here I will remain in the world all alone

1998

Rejected

A pain in my soul
Like a disease, I'm infected
A tidal wave of sadness
Once again, I'm rejected

A thought I put forth
For a smile, I will try
The moment of silence
My happiness you deny

Just a small step
Up ahead is my goal
A storm cloud appears
I'm now in the hole

This time in my life
I feel so neglected
The feeling I get
From being rejected

1998

(My only complaint about this one, is that it's short. Another one of my favorites.)

The Invaders

Out in the distance they are looming but your eyes are blind to see
In their future lies a highway that leads into your society
Better choose your friends well and make sure that they don't stray
Shallow ties they won't survive the invaders coming day

Like termites in the woodwork of your house of fellowship
They will find the cracks, the weaknesses, the times you slip
Soon the bridges that you built come crumbling to the ground
Feelings of resent and hate when the invaders come around

Stench of the invaders is now a factor in your time
Moments that you spent with them you now feel was a crime
Listen as they laugh at you while you slowly walk away
By yourself you realize that the invaders are here to stay

Take heed in the words I say because this could happen to you
Cherish all the friends you have, include them in what you do
You and only you alone can prevent the future strife
Weaken the invaders force and keep them out of your life

1998

(Hmmm... For the most part, I like it, as the subject matter was very relevant to me at one time. It's about having a regular crowd of friends you've hung out with for years, and another group coming along and integrates into your crowd, suddenly changing the whole dynamic. You may find yourself sort of pushed out if you don't work to reinforce your existing relationships. Anyway, there's just some parts of the phrasing that bother me, but the feeling of needing to change it was never quite strong enough.)